Change

So now that I have more time to think about nothing, and to distract myself from thinking too much about l-o-v-e, I am training myself to think about other things. I find that if I don’t read on the train, then I have nothing to do and my mind is just bombarded with all these thoughts and wild stories. It would eventually get to me when I sleep too, make me having weird dreams and my thoughts would be running to hard around my dreams and more imaginative stories. I don’t really like the sensation; it would just make me more depressed.

 

So I said to myself – I need to change to make myself occupied with other things so I don’t think negatively. Why do I have to be depressed or feeling bad – when I know what is making me feel bad? All I need to do is think about other things and make me occupied, then I’m all set. After surveying some people, I got an idea of what other people think about in their down time. So on the train, I think about what should I do with my house, if I were to clean it out, how I would decorate it. Think about how to match my clothes or what I need to do when I go home. Sometimes I am so unsure of what I want to do that I debated to myself for a whole day….so funny.  It’s just where I should go for my half day today – I couldn’t decide whether to go straight home or to go to Copley to get something that I need. One side I wanted to just go home, and the other side I really want this Bobbi Brown eye cream and a hair clip, if I don’t go then I won’t have time until a month later. This whole thought process took me a day to think about.

 

I think I enjoy this new activity – there’s some self improvement involved which makes me in a lighter mood. I also wish I can just throw out some of the older furniture in my rooms so it’d just bring something new and relaxing feeling into the house. But I wonder why my aunt would think. I’m sick of the layout in the bedroom and my study room….do you think I need permission to buy new furniture and then just throw out the old ones? Sigh…

Job

 

 

As some of you know, I work in the unclaimed property field. There are some other firms that work with unclaimed property, for example, PwC, Deloitte, KPMG, Kelmar, Marketsphere. Etc. But since then KPMG has dropped out of the business because they suck at it. My old boss went to work at Deloitte so I was hoping to use this connection to get into Deloitte. But now no more hopes of getting the company name on my resume.

 

Thompson Reuters has decided to acquire the Unclaimed Property Division of Deloitte & Touche. It’s not fully announced yet but my old boss had moved into the new office already, so it’s not much of a secret. I don‘t know how good the benefits at Thompson Reuters is – is the salary as competitive as the Big Four? I’m a little disappointed.  =(

Statement of Love

Below is my statement of love. I think it is the ultimate of love if you understand and have the same consensus as below:

“Very few people know what love is. 99% of people, unfortunately, think sexuality is love – it is not. Sexuality is very animal; it certainly has the potential; of growing into love, but it is not actual love, only a potential…”

“Buddha has defined compassion as ‘love plus meditation’. When your love is not just a desire for the other, when your love is not only a need, when your love is a sharing, when your love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when your love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give – to give for the sheer joy of giving – then add meditation to it and the pure fragrance is released. That is compassion; compassion is the highest phenomenon.”

“These three things are to be taken note of: the lowest is sex – it is physical – and the highest refinement of love is compassion. Sex is below love, compassion is above love; love is exactly in the middle.”

“Sex is the seed, love is the flower, compassion is the fragrance.”

I already understand the part of “sharing… is not that of a beggar but an emperor” and already put that into practice. Just that some lower beings do not understand so they would never understand.

I don’t really get how compassion is above love – I guess you need compassion in order to have love? But then that would make compassion in the middle, then love. But I believe that someday I will understand…

Then I don’t get how adding meditation would release the fragrance of compassion. =)

You have no idea how profound all this is….I was already acting upon it without realizing the deepness of all this. =)

Just a side note – my psychic got an emperor card for my love spread – it means that my husband would be like an emperor that takes care of everybody. And guess what! The Buddhist statement talks about an emperor that shares and gives! I really think my husband is going to be my soul mate. =) When I had found this little meaningful passage 6 months ago, I had no idea how some of the words here would give me some insight later. That’s why I have to say that I will understand more about this passage as I grow and grow more spiritually.

I feel so grateful to have found this little paragraph about love, and how I came across it again and this whole thing has given me warmth and hopes again. I feel a lot of love enveloping me right now, yes, just by reading it and taking in the deep sensations of love – the infinite love from the universe and everywhere…the never ending energy that surrounds every life. I feel blessed. Thank you.

My brother is taking A-levels this year...how fast. Sigh....haven't talked to him at all. I hope that he can at least get some decent grades.

I was going through my hotmail account….and found this piece of “memory” from 2004.

I’m glad I kept it. No matter if it’s a good or bad memory, it’s still a learning experience and remind myself of how naïve I was.

 

So this excerpt is when he suggested meeting me (Freshman Year), and I was too scared so I logged off. He emailed me to ask if I didn’t want to hand out, so I said:

“forget about today and the past. it's not u, just pretend u dunno me.
how hard is tat.”

 

Then he wrote:

“dont even say its one of those "its not you" things okay?  heidi...
dont tell me to forget about today and the past also....its okay if we
never hang out...dont u understand that?  its okay if we just chat online
and never see each other.  why are u avoiding me?  i'm not mad at u...i hope
you're not mad at me.  so whats wrong?”

 

 

These are the only things I kept. But how romantic…haha.

 

So needless to say I came out to meet him, and obviously he was not interested and said he had a huge migraine and it wasn’t my problem. He tried to chat with me a few times after first meeting, just to look like he was a JERK. But after that few times, both of us felt too awkward to talk anymore.

I want to write something, but don’t know what.

 

Listening to the Chinese radio, they mentioned something that is quite interesting. They said that usually a girl who seems to be strong and independent, would not be protected by her boyfriend. Whereas, a girl who seems very fragile and soft, gives her boyfriend an impression that she needs protection, and therefore gets more attention from a guy.

 

But in reality, every girl needs the same level of caress – only that the strong one hides it, and the soft one shows it.

 

I can’t imagine myself to be soft spoken though, because my voice is not that soft. I always thought that girls should have a soft voice, that part actually increases the attract-uality (I made that word up). If you really think, how many guys can live up to a girl’s standard? Maybe around 30%. 70% will do well if they really love the girl. But when a relationship grows old, only 50% will carry on the same affection.

 

Sometimes when a boyfriend treats a girlfriend very well, is it really due to pure wish to make her happy? It could have been that he is cheating on her and wants to keep her as happy as possible.

 

Applying Law of Attraction

I’ve been applying the law of attraction to the weather, wishing it to be sunny or warm when I hear that it will be cold next week; wishing it will be rain instead of snow. But if I really care that much about the weather, why don’t I use all this effort into attracting better things for myself instead? So from now on I will chant the same things whenever I got the time and attention. For the benefit of myself!

 

I think there are better ways of just chanting – but I’m too lazy to look it up.

 

It’s Friday the 13^th. Nothing bad really happens to me on Black Friday. But coincidentally, I looked at the Chinese Almanac on the calendar and they said today is not suitable to do anything major.

 

Our company made us clean our workspace for the first time. When there’s an award involved, people work harder to clean. I cleaned all the dust and all the clutter. I stashed everything away. I am pretty good at hiding things, haha. Just make everything disappear.

 

 

Workouts

I’ve been trying to incorporate strength training into my workout to increase arm muscle mass to burn more fat. While at it, I searched for ways to decrease calve sizes because my calves are getting bulkier instead of smaller. There’s so much science to it that you are really limited to a number or workouts.

 

For faster weight loss – you should run on the treadmill. However, research shows that intensifying levels at intervals increase fat burn instead of running the whole way through. In other words, run for a few minutes, then slow down, then run again, alternating.

 

But running makes your calves bigger, because you are using your calve muscles to run. So you should do fast walk instead of run, and you have to fast walk for at least 5 miles in order to work – this is called endurance training.

 

Same for cycling machines – you need to set resistance very high for a few minutes and then decrease the levels, otherwise you won’t lose weight if you just cycle for 1 hour. Cycling at level 10 for 3 minutes and then work at intervals actually burn more calories.

 

You shouldn’t use the same machine every time at the gym. Alternate between different machines so you work on different muscles each time.

 

For crunches, using a balance ball works more muscles than using the floor.

 

For strength training, you cannot work on it everyday. The recommended frequency is 3 times a week, with one day in between for muscles to rest, even if you are not working vigorously; you still need time for your muscles to recover. I haven’t gone too far as in eating proteins would build up muscles, and eat this and that. But the general rule is that if you want to see muscles forming, you gotta eat protein. If you don’t, just don’t eat too much. I also heard that if you don’t lose the fat first, the muscles will use the fat to build up so if you keep training, your arms will get bigger and bigger. I gotta read more on that.

 

So I have to keep all these in mind. I used to read those fitness magazines so I was pretty well educated on what food to eat and stuff. But I never paid attention to those strength training tips because I avoid those machines. It’s time I need to subscribe to those again.

New Song

Got a new favorite song again - this time I got the lyrics, and the link!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRQzK2j-qmY

屬於 by JASMINE LEONG
填詞：陳沒　作曲：鴉片丹　編曲：WAVE G

我堅持的 都值得堅持嗎
我所相信的 就是真的嗎
如果我敢追求 我就敢擁有嗎
而如果 都算了 不要呢
或許吧 或許我永遠都不會遇見他
或許吧 或許我太天真了吧

屬於我的昨天之前的結局
我決定我的決定
屬於我的明天之後的憧憬
我迷信我的迷信
屬於我們點點滴滴的傷心
我們要各自忘記
屬於我們閃閃發亮的愛情
我們再一起努力我們還要努力

屬於風的 那就去飛翔吧
屬於海洋的 那就洶湧吧
屬於我們的愛 該來的 就來吧
為什麼 不敢呢 不要呢

是他吧 命中早就注定了的那個他
是他吧 他原來就在這裡啊

Marriage

I don't know what lily's future in-laws are thinking. Everyone has his own values - how dare they give him only 8 bucks for his budget to buy clothes per month but give him much more on restaurants just because his family goes out for dinner more often?

And to say that they don't care about the wedding. I can't imagine any parents wouldn't care, unless they really hate Lily.

 

Although she was spending her bf's money like there's no tomorrow, she doesn't deserve having her background checked for credit by her bf and in-laws. That just doesn't show any respect for the family. The in-laws were saying they've been here so long that they forgot the Chinese tradition for the wedding.

 

The point is – you need to have respect for both sides. You cannot just say I don’t know any Chinese tradition and then not do it. You have to compromise to make both sides happy – because this is a wedding. You do this for joy, not for torture.

 

The worse thing to lose is your dignity. This is a hard battle. Because if she backs out of the marriage they’re going to think she’s in for the money. If she doesn’t, then there’s going to be more drama. Well she started everything wrong in the relationship. I guess it’s Karma.

Last night I had a nasty dream about going to toilet. I went into the bathroom, I had to pee and I discovered that the toilets had no stalls or doors, no toilet paper, unflushed toilet, and dirty toilet.

 

I woke up by the alarm clock and I discovered that I had to pee badly.

 

The dream was so nasty that I remember every once in a while I would dream about dirty toilets – some worse than another, where other girls in line were watching me go because there were no stalls.

 

So I couldn’t take it anymore, having those filthy toilet dreams...i looked up the meaning of dirty toilets.

 

Guess what I found out! It means that I have to actually go to pee in reality, but since I was dreaming, the toilets were filthy and clogged to prevent me from actually wetting the bed!

 

In order to not dream about the dirty toilets again – I won’t drink that much water before bed anymore.

Way Back Into Love

I have a new favorite song!

 

 

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need 'em again some day
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love, oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul, somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again
I guess, I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know I will be there for you in the end

Plants

I spent first half of Saturday at home watching my old Taiwanese dramas, then afternoon I came into the office to replace new soil to the office plants. I have been watering them but the soil is not absorbing the water, so the plant dries up pretty quickly. So I had been planning to get some soil to help them out. I finally took the time to do it, because I had some time before I meet Yee for dinner.

 

A lot of people wonder or ask why am I so nice to take care of the plants – just let them die if nobody waters it. It’s not your job.

 

Ever since I learned Reiki, I had appreciated “life” much more. Plants are a life form. I read a book that did experiments on Reiki and they did experiments on plants as well. They actually found out that not only plants just drink water and live – they actually have emotional levels. They connected the plant’s leaves to some type of machine that could monitor their cells (I don’t have the book with me so I’m typing according to my memory), they found out that they have stress levels, depending on their relaxed stage, or when they are not relaxed. Such instances that could give these plants stress levels are as follows:

 

-          Plants recognize their caretakers. When they feel their caretakers are around the corner, they get excited and happy

-          Plants can read thoughts (a.k.a. intentions). When you think about something that can endanger their life, they get scared and stressed. For example, a scientist had a thought of striking a match to burn the leaf, the machine picked up stressed levels on the plant.

-          Plants can pick up any dangerous actions nearby. A scientist carried a pot of boiling water and poured it over a shrimp in the NEXT room, where the plant couldn’t see the action, but the plant actually knew and got scared.

 

My friend at work is really good with plants, everyone asked her to take care of the plants for them. Why could some people take care of the plants so well and some can’t? So one day I told her that I read a book about plants actually have stress levels. She then told me that she talks to her plants everyday. She said she read that you have to talk to the plants to make them grow beautifully, so she tried and it worked. I think in this case it justifies how plants can actually pick up people’s intentions. Think about it….a person who waters her plants with love will have a better result than a person who just waters the plant for the sake of keeping it alive. I think that is the secret of being a good gardener.

 

Ever since then, I had been giving the plants my love. I didn’t actually talk to them, but I look at them and take notice of how well they grow every time I walk by, that is about 15 times a day. Knowing that plants have feelings actually make me love and appreciate them more. I no longer am the old me who thought of doing evil things to a plant or a tree. I was just being naughty by thinking about it, not like I’m really going to. But now I have replaced my evil intentions with love. I no longer think about throwing the plants away if they don’t seem to grow well. I saw a colleague throwing her perfectly healthy plant out, I got a little bit upset. I didn’t take it out of the garbage can though, because I don’t want her to think the wrong way. I think I should have picked it back up, if I have the guts.

 

I have noticed that people who are into New Age actually have very good hearts. They talk about spreading love into the world. The old me would just hear the statement and said, ok….whatever. Now when I hear that I actually comprehend the meaning and the intentions behind it. You don’t have to actually be doing something to spread the love. If you have kindness towards everything in the world, then the love is spread.

 

LOVE the world…..